My life goings on-not so hot

So Tuesday my water broke. As some of you may have read I am not due until July 4th. They gave me steriods to help develop his lungs and antibiotics to decrease my risk of infection. I was having contractions every 20-30 mins when I first got in but they have stopped. I am in the hospital until I have Castan. Wednesday I talked to the neonatologist here in the NICU. He gave Cas a 10% chance to live. If he was a normal 29 weeker he would have an 80-85% chance but because his disorder made him extra small his lungs will be extra small. The doctor was very compassionate and explained to us the options we have when Cas is born. He said he will do water we want him to even if he thinks it isn't helping Castan any.

My daughters are not handling all of this very well at all. Especially my oldest. She cried so hard at church Wednesday night that her teacher had to get my step mom to take her home early. I asked her Thursday why she had cried. Her little lip started quivering and her eyes filled with tears when she said "because I was worried about you and if Castan is going to be sick and have problems." I felt like my heart was shattering. This 7 year old little girl of mine was worried about me and her baby brother. She should be trying to sneak candy or worrying about what dress to wear. So I explained the options that the doctor gave us. I asked her and my 5 year old daughter if they would rather we just spend whatever time we have with Castan and just let him go to heaven so he wouldn't be sick or if they wanted us to try to fight to keep him alive. Both of them immediately said they wanted us to fight for him. I told them that's what we plan to do but that the doctor said if we see that Cas wasn't going to make it that they could say goodbye to him. My baby girl said "good that's all I care about because I didn't get to say goodbye to my other brother before he died." This is all so heartwrenching. I hate that my girls are having to go through all this turmoil again. They are so young yet are acting like little adults. I hope everything is ok for their sakes.